how often do you talk about physical appearance?

The other week, Raven and I planned a special date night out. We met up at landmarc, ordered beers and steak (for Raven) and treated ourselves to a fancy dinner. It was a pretty awesome night; we had great conversation and left the restaurant feeling full and giddy.

While outside in the taxi line - and I'll spare you the details - I got into a squabble with a lady who cut us for a cab. I was, admittedly, tipsy, and I let a few swear words fly. Not my best moment. At one point, the woman with whom the exchange occurred asked me why I needed a cab anyway.

"You look like you could use a walk, your thighs are fat."

Game, set, match. That was the end of that; Raven and I walked away and found a cab somewhere else. The exchange wrecked me. For days, I felt horrible about the incident (how could I let my anger get the best of me? why are women always fighting with each other?). What's worse, I believed what she said about me. I looked in the mirror and saw exactly what she was talking about.

It's fascinating; I have felt more comfortable with my body as a 29 year old than I have ever in my life, and I let a stranger's words completely demolish any personal progress I've made (years worth, in a matter of seconds).

I found this article today in the New York Times, about summer camps that institute a "no body talk" rule. Good or bad, campers aren't allowed to comment on a someone else's physical appearance.

Reading this article made me feel relieved. Can you imagine getting dressed every day and knowing that you won't have to listen to anyone's opinions about your appearance? Even if someone says "I love your shirt," you won't have to wade through the emotional tug-of-war in your head, do they really mean it, should I return the compliment, etc.

Yes, there are downsides to "no body talk," and I encourage you to read the article, and maybe think of your own (mine would be - it's nice and important for everyone to hear that they're beautiful), but for me, I'm ready to try it for a day. Or maybe a week. However long it takes me to forget about my thighs and start focusing more on my brain.

Tell me, friends...do you agree with the "no body talk" rule?

image via Pinterest (and totally made me tear up :).

new york, i love you.

 

We New Yorkers like it fast, tasty, stylish, and dramatic. We're also secretly emotional; for every uninterested glance we throw, we're always on the look out for signs, connections, nostalgia, and the illusive magic of this crazy city.

This morning I am smiling ear to ear after reading this Times feature on New Yorkers' haikus about the city. Read it and weep (I tried to pick a favorite, but I couldn't).

image via Pinterest

do you leave voicemails?

As digitally savvy as I think I am, desperately clinging to my 20's as I hurtle towards 30, I still leave voicemails. Court does too, so does Raven and my dad (definitely NOT a technologically competent human, sorry dad :).

I always figured I was being polite, and that a voicemail, to the recipient, was a good indicator of whether or not I had a pressing matter. But recently I've been privy to some conversations about how uncool and annoying voicemail is, and I find myself reconsidering the action (both the New York Times and Gawker say it's a no-no).

So, what say you guys? Voicemails, or no voicemails? I would love to hear from you!

TGIF!

image via Pinterest.

she got me workin' workin' day and night

Happy Monday! How is your week looking?  Busy?

Because if that's the only word you're going to use to describe your week, I will be forced to believe that you're some sort of robot.

My good friend recently sent me this article (click for link) and it made me think. I'm not sure about other cities, but here in New York, being "busy" is a status. It's a rite of passage - it's almost something to brag about. If you're busy, you're important.

That is troublesome to me. Though, let me start by staying that I of course fall prey to this expression as well. I think, if we dig deep, we all do. But though my weeks are busy - they are also a lot of other things (moments, emotions, experiences, etc.), too.  Last week I spent time with my best friend, Raven and I had an interesting discussion on a dinner date, I cried over frivolous and non-frivolous things alike, I texted with my sister in law...you get the picture.

So why do we feel the need to place so much importance on the word busy? Since when did it become a bad thing to have a clear schedule and free time?

I know all about free time in my line of of work. Building a business from the ground up is challenging and complicated and sometimes the phone just isn't ringing. I've had weeks where I barely put in 5 hours of work - and months where I wouldn't have a day off. It's part of the job, but I noticed something. When I was having a slow period, I was consumed with guilt (which, by the way, does absolutely nothing but ruin your mindset and set you up for failure). I felt like a LOSER. Even though I logically knew that this was all part of the growing pains of starting a new career.

In New York, it's an unspoken rule that work comes first, that we GO GO GO till we drop, answer every phone call and email immediately, and check our personal lives at the door. We're BUSY, so we don't have time to sit by the river and just think. We're BUSY, we can't chat on the phone for an hour with our best friend who lives in LA. We're BUSY, the fact that our cousin is getting married is just an inconvenience!

You know we're not that busy, right? Just like the Times article mentions, those who have to qualify their state of busy, usually have time to spare. I had a full day of work the other day, and when I got home I was tired. I sat down to write this post and a little thought popped into my head: "I don't have TIME to write this!"

But I do have time - we all have time. We just have to choose it.

Take the word busy out of your vocabulary. We all work, we all have to make that money! We all have 40-60 (or more!) hours of our lives taken up every week by our jobs. Most of my friends work full time AND audition all week, too! I don't know how they do it, and most of them still manage to make it out to social gatherings and answer texts and emails. Everyone is busy...start by saying how you really are...tired, sad, awesome, horny, pissed, you get the idea. What an interesting conversation you'll have!

Acknowledge that it's not a bad thing to have free time.  Contrary to my comment above, we are not robots. We need to eat, sleep, sit, laugh, take a break and go on vacation. According to this article, all European countries have 4 paid weeks of vacation BY LAW! Can you imagine?  I think of all the workaholics in this city and I see a lot of people letting their hair down (to put it lightly) if that were the law here! Nevertheless, even if you just have a weekend at home with nothing on the schedule - that's okay! A little "me" time is necessary. Can you say Girls marathon?

Perhaps, the less time we spend complaining about how little free time we have, the more time will open up for us to actually enjoy that phone call, bubble bath, baby shower, or guilt free night on the couch (which, by the way, is what I did basically all weekend).

Do you find yourself using the word busy as an excuse?  How do you use your time off to recharge?