the disconnect between what we consume + what we wear

I've had this idea mulling around in my head for a while and today I finally have the time to sit down and just chat with you guys! First off, Hi, how are you, it's hump day! 

Real quick - tomorrow I'm giving a workshop on Spring Trends at The Brass Owl in Astoria. I would love love love to see you there - 8-10pm, wine and cheese will be served! Here's the Facebook invite.

Okay so we've chatted before about how we see something (a person, a window display, a pin, a piece) we love and often try to mimic it / capture its essence and somehow it doesn't work...we fall short. We "don't know how" to "be fashionable" which, if you read this post, I argue is just our way of saying we haven't really defined our style yet. 

A few weeks ago, I saw a girl commuting in the subway. She had on an unremarkable outfit, but slung over her shoulder was this bright pink, boxy, Kate Spade bag. I looked at her and I had two thoughts at the same time:

1. That doesn't work. And,
2. I've been that girl before.

The problem here wasn't that the bag was ugly (it wasn't) or that the girl had bad style (she didn't). The problem was that the entire situation was just inauthentic. It felt like a big question mark. That bag is advertised being carried on the arm of a woman who always wear skirts and heels, and it works that way. It doesn't function being worn across the body of a commuter who needs functionality in her bag (as well as structure, color, personality, status).

And that's a shame. It made me realize that there is a gap between what we see (and love!) and what and how we wear what we wear.

It happens to me, still, all the time. I'll be shopping and I'll get this lofty idea about who I should be, and I just, get away from myself. This sounds SO hippie dippy and dramatic but I promise you it's true:

If you align your wardrobe with your true personality, you'll always have something to wear.

This starts not when we're looking in our closet each morning, but long before that, before we even begin to consider pieces we may want to add to our wardrobe. Before we go shopping. 

For me, I trip up when I'm tired. I have a pretty good sense (getting there!) of my style, so a lot of my pieces are already true to me. But sometimes I'm tired and I throw something on and before I can even get out the door, I stop myself because something doesn't feel right. If I'm not dressing according to my personality, I just feel off. I'm trying to take the guess work out of my day and in turn it just messes up the entire foundation of my day. 

You can see how someone who may just want to feel good about what she's wearing would walk into a store, see a pink handbag and go That's me. She's trying to take the guesswork out of figuring out what she truly needs in a bag - comfort, ease, color - and is just blindly reaching for something because she "likes" it. 

This isn't to say that if you like something, you shouldn't own it - that idea in and of itself sends shivers down my spine - but again, if we know ourselves, we can close that gap between seeing and wearing and only own pieces that serve us as human beings.

For me, that means seeing these:

And knowing that I'll only get one good wear out of them. But these:

They serve me way better because they're a neutral color, they hold in my foot (this is New York, mules need only apply if you're taking a car service), and I can wear them to any / all of my events.

How are we doing? Does this make sense? Get at me because this stuff revs my engine.

If you haven't filled out my (free!) worksheet to define your style, I highly encourage you to subscribe to my email list (at the bottom of this page) and give it a whirl. AND! I'll be going over the entire process tomorrow at The Brass Owl so come on out!

[pssst - to that girl on the subway: I've compiled a bunch of pink handbags that would suit you nicely, below!]

xoxo,

aok

how to: define your personal style

Good morning, friends! I'm so excited today because we're getting philosophical with this shit. Not just what to wear, but why you wear it.

Your style: how you visually introduce yourself to the world. The first act of creativity in your day. Whatever you want to call it...have you ever actually defined it? 

It's not easy, right? It's on the tip of your tongue, you know what you like, of course, but you've never actually distilled your aesthetic into a few sentences. 

You pin this:

via.

But most days, you wear this: 

image by Julia Elizabeth.

And it's not that you don't like what you actually wear, but you wonder how you go from seeing A, to wearing B, and what gets lost in translation.

 I hear all the time from clients:

I saw ____ on the rack, immediately fell for it, and have never worn it because I don't know how.

And this happens to us because we haven't taken the time to really consider what we like and why. We make hasty choices at H&M because we need a black work shirt! Instead of chewing on, marinating in, and spending hard earned money in the right place on pieces that delight us, fill us up (remember this concept from LRW?), inspire us, and encapsulate who we really are. We consume for the sake of consuming (guilty!) and end up resenting the lack of space in our closets. 

So, we need to define our style. Like, really, write down a brutally honest description of our style sensibility.

Okay, I'll go first.

Dressed down, menswear inspired, bold, dark colors, a mix of high & low.

I could go on: party on top, sleek lines on the bottom, heavy, weighty footwear.

That? Is nothing like the first picture above. It is exactly what's going on in the picture below. Cool. Check. Why do I like picture A? What about it revs me up? Hmm, well, I love the colors, I love her bag, I love how unique the look is, I love how happy she looks! I love her confidence. 

Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Sometimes what we like has nothing to do with the clothes.                                         I told you. Philosophical.

So yeah, this is important. Here's why:

1. It saves us money. When we define our style, we stop spending money needlessly. We choose to consume less and spend wiser on pieces that adhere to the definition we've laid out.

2. It brings us closer to knowing ourselves. I'm not trying to get all preachy and cheesy here, but truly! If I know that what inspires me about stylish women is their confidence, then I know that this is a huge personal priority. I can begin to seek out confidence in my life...all because of clothes. Guys! I love this shit. 

I love this shit so much that I created a worksheet for you to download, right now, that will guide you towards defining your style. I'm doing it, too! It's free, and I cannot wait to hear what you think. Grab it, right here.

And that's all I've got for you today.

xoxo,

aok